I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
