I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
