Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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