The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
