Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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