i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
