My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
