I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
