highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
