So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
