We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There r osticjed everywhere
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
