just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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