the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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