Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
