we made out on top of his cat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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