Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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