she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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