ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think i got beer on your cat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
