my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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