I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
