Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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