thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
