I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
