Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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