I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
