so explain again why im purple
no
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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