I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
