I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
