tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
