Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
