trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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