You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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