i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
