Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
