i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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