I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
