apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
