just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
