i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
