do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
