Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
