you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sext me about skeletons
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
