Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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