Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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