Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
