i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
