So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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