You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
