Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
