Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
