First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
