If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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