Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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