Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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