It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
