The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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