I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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