Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
