guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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