You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
