he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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