Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
