Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
