State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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