She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
