you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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