He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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