If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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