Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
