Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
