there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
