she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
