Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have aggressive nipples.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize