Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
