No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
God, I missed his penis.
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