At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
