I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
