Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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