i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize