Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
