the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
