Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
