what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
