Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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