you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
