I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
