I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
