It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
