The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
