And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
