at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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