well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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