I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
