VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize