Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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