eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ruined the universe
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
