i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
